Soap is not a condiment
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
