Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
