Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
