well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
