i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The Olympian is in my bed
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
