i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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