she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
