i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
