I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
