you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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