the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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