just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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