I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
