Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
