Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
