dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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