god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
