i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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