Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
did i just pee glitter
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
