I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
