he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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