A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
