shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
