yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
