We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
