The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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