I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
