i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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