Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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