Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
