A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
