As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Never underestimate the power of titties
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