I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
