when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
