it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
