I am puke
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
