I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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