we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
