hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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