I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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