I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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