The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my poor anus
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
