Me too!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
