Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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