How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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