Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
