Where did you get a picture of my penis
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
