Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
