hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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