Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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