I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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