Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
