It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
