I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
