I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Terrible idea I love it
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
