3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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